Depression? Hmm.
I have always been a person who considered themselves to be very positive, outgoing,bubbly, fun, interactive and all those wonderful things, I am the girl who laughs and smiles but deep down sometime I feel sad, but you would never know.
My star sign is a Taurus and sometimes we can be people who tend to bottle things up or are too afraid of telling people how we feel because we genuinely do not like that whole sympathy thing and people "feeling sorry for us" thing. Therefore it is really hard for us to open up to people, especially the ones so close to us.
Anyway enough with the star sign talk I wanted to make the simple point that depression is very much real and in my 22 years of living I had never experienced it to the extent that I have experienced it the last 7 months. I fell into a deep depression around the end of last year due to a very tragic loss in my family and also losing my job all of a sudden which I may speak about in detail one day when I feel ready. So yes, I fell into a deep depression where I would cry everyday, I did not want to leave my bed, I felt so shitty about myself, who I am, who I was becoming and everything, I even started to question my purpose in life. With a mind full of these destructive thoughts I turned to food as my comfort. Food has always been my comfort, but this time was different. Different in a sense where I lost complete control of what I was putting in my mouth. I stopped caring, because what is the point ? in turn I gained a whopping 50lbs (22kg) which is a very drastic amount for just 7 months.
As you can imagine after everything that I had been going through to now be worried about my weight was another punch to the face. I started feeling more insecure day by day, my skin was becoming a spot infested mess and honestly I couldn't cope. I was going through all this but the world thought I was okay.
Now I know some of you reading this might be wondering why didn't you tell your friends or ask them for advice and the simple answer to that is because NO ONE UNDERSTANDS. No one understands the pain you are going through the way you do and to vent to someone might help for that second but 9/10 no one will be able to truly help you the way God and you can help yourself (that's just my opinion).
Another reason why I am not one to vent and this is the brutal honest truth is because I genuinely think people do not care and the advice I sometimes get is so FUCKING SHIT. In my head i'm like really? I was better off keeping this shit to myself. I know this sounds harsh but I am just being honest.
Anyway right now I am still battling with these issues. Some days are good and some days are bad. I referred myself to see an NHS talking therapist and I am sorry to say but for me it was a complete waste of time. I do find a lot of peace through prayer you would't believe it. I am now going to implement a more healthier way of living and find peace in being alive,and LIVING. I want to explore and do all the crazy and not so crazy things I have always dreamed of doing.
Life is so crazy and I am learning to roll with the punches everyday and to not allow things I can't control hold me hostage.
Depression is real guys. It does exist. But together we'll fight it.
I will be living my BEST LIFE from now on.
Love
Lynda Seme
x
P.S If you are suffering from depression and need someone to talk to I am always here. Feel free to message me on any of my social media platforms which are mentioned on the right side of my blog. If you need any other form of support here are some websites you could check out. Hope it helps.
https://www.depressionalliance.org/
www.samaritans.org.uk
www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk
https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/#.Wun7zYgvyM8
