I have been struggling with acne throughout my whole teenage years and early adolescent years. I have always wanted to share my journey on a platform like this. So hopefully I can inspire and get inspired by people and also release some steam, because for me writing helps a lot and maybe there's someone out there who can relate to me and they way I feel because right now I feel alone.

a little background story...

Growing up I never really had "bad skin" up until the age of 10 I would say I don't remember having "bad skin". It wasn't until the summer of being in year 7 that I started to break out here and there and mind you it really wasn't a big deal for me. I was young and did not pay attention to my skin as much as I do now.

Slowly but surely, more and more spots started to crop up and I remember being 12 and buying all these face products like Tea Tree, Witch Hazel, Clean & Clear, Clearasil, Bio Oil, Amie (and If you are an old school skin care user you will remember this brand being sold in like Superdrug back in the day). Anyway, after those brands stopped working and I got older and older, I started doing more and more research, joining forums like acne.org and meeting people that were going through the same issues as I was. 

At the age of 15 I decided to book an appointment to see my local doctor. He prescribed me with:
- A topical serum (I can't remember the name). After this did not work I was precribed with:
- Tetralysal

This medication, once again did nothing for me.

One day, probably at the age of 16. I saw a Youtube video about a miracle product that had got rid of acne completely. I was so excited to find out what it was. Come to find out, it was the acne.org three step range. I mean I had no idea that the forum I followed even offered skin care so I was well chuffed. So what did I go and do? I bought it of course. The only issue was that it came from america and I live in the UK so shipping plus custom charge meant that it got costly but I didn't care, anything to have clear skin right? right. So it finally arrived and I started using it. It actually worked, I was so full of joy. The instructions were so delicate and I made sure to follow it step by step and oh God did it work. However, my scars didn't clear so I was still quiet down about it. Regardless, I continued to use this system until it ran out and I bought it again. However, maintaining and being able to afford the system became an issue. I was 16 and only just got my first part time job whilst in college.

Acne.org three step system











Fast forward a two years after using EVERYTHING and trying everything I went to the doctors once again and asked to be referred to a dermatologist. The reason I wanted to be referred to a dermatologist was because I was DESPERATE and wanted to go on accutane. I remember spending hours and hours watching Youtube videos of peoples before and afters whilst being on this pill and recording their day to day changes in their skin, I was absolutely blown away. But, with the positive side effects of course came many negative ones, but I never let that stop me.

So back to the doctors, he referred me thank God, probably because he saw how shit my skin looked together with the desperation written all over my face. I got a letter home two months later with a date of the dermatology appointment, I literally could not wait until this day came. The day came I went in to see the doctor and they IMMEDIATELY put me on the medication after I was weighed measured, signed paperwork, that I was not to be sexually active, because oh yeah these pills are dangerous. I will link a website where you can find the side effects here: http://www.rxlist.com/accutane-side-effects-drug-center.htm

After a month of being on them I started noticing positive changes in my skin. I wasn't as oily, breakouts were not so common anymore. Basically, my skin was very slowly starting to clear away. Out of all the dangerous side effects of this pill. I only suffered from dry lips this instance it was unreal. Now, normally what happens with the NHS where I live is they send you a random appointment day and it is up to you to decide if you are available to attend or to reschedule if you are busy. At the time, I was in college, nonetheless I was waiting for this letter with my second appointment, waiting, waiting, waiting, it never arrived. So I took it upon myself to physically go to the hospital (one I was referred to) to ask them why I did not receive a letter with my next appointment date and time. Come to find out they "apparently" sent the letter and I "apparently" did not respond so they discharged me without me knowing WTF. Really shows you how great the NHS are doesn't it?. I was so angry and could not understand why that would happen and to get referred AGAIN I would have to start back at square one at my local doctors. Get referred, wait another 2-3 months and quite frankly I did not have that time because I was going off to university in a few months.

So I held off on the idea of getting accutane until I arrived at university, by this point I was 18 years of age. I took it upon myself to register with my university doctors who referred me  to the dermatologist with no questions asked and once again I was on accutane for the second time round but the difference is this time I finished my course and I was on them for 6 months. MY SKIN WAS SHAAAAPOPIN BIH like literally I couldn't believe it. I remember coming off them on the summer of 2014 in august and being sad because I did not know what would happen. If the acne would come back?, how to maintain it?. Now mind you, when I came off the tablets I had moved back home from university for term time. I was discharged.



I enjoyed my skin for about a good two months with the odd spot here and there nothing major because although my skin had cleared up I had a little scaring left but I didn't care. But once again slowly but surely as days, weeks, and months went by I got more and more spots. I WOULD NOT TOUCH THEM but somehow they would scar. I got fed up started working out and eating clean not for my skin (I did not really think that working out could change me having acne or not... it didn't LOOOL) but because summer 2015 I was going away on holiday and I needed to look good honey, and my skin did actually clear up a little but it did not bother me that much because I felt amazing at the amount of weight I lost. However, fast forward a few months the spots started to come back in small doses (white heads mostly) so I thought you know what whilst I am still in university I might as well go back to the doctor get referred and go on accutane again (this would have been the third time) but the bloody dermatologist thought my skin was not that bad. In my head I was thinking "you absolute prick just give me the damn accutane" but instead he prescribed me with isotretenoin gel 0.1% did it do anything? NO!



Over the summer I went away on holiday, came back and my skin was still an absolute piss take, but it was not THAT bad because on holiday I gave 0 fucks. Where the nonsense really began was when I left home for my final year of university. At home my skin was okay but as soon as I landed in Nottingham within two or so days I promise I started breaking out like CRAZZZZZZZZY crazier than every on my chin my cheek my forehead and I couldn't understand why because literally two days before all I really had were scars and few break outs but these crazy demons that appeared that day were painful, it hurt to sleep it hurt to wash my face everything hurt and to be quiet honest I was tired and exhausted of ALWAYS breaking out I just wanted to hide for eternity in a little cave where no one knew me.


Before the crazy breakout


A couple days after 




But I was not going to give up so once again say it with me I went to the doctors and got referred to the dermatologist, my appointment came and I was back on the accutane but this time because my dermatologist knew I had been on it before and it had failed she prescribed the highest dosage she possibly could. Within a week I saw noticeable difference, weeks went months went and I kept track of my progress see below, and this time my scars were also fading away slowly but surely my skin was absolutely flawless no scars no spots no oil and no enlarged pores, what more could I possibly want and I was feeling myself I stopped wearing make up because heck I didn't need that! ahaha foundation where, concealer what is that? LOOOL so I finished the course in March 2016 AND THIS TIME  I was given Differin gel to use every night to maintain my clear skin. Oh boy did I maintain it. I only wore foundation when I was going out. 




My skin looked and felt beautiful. But it doesn't end there. LOL!

So fast forward a year since coming off accutane March 2017... Hmm. I BROKE OUT VIGOROUSLY AGAIN, but this time on my chest and on my face! How brilliant. I feel horrible I look horrible I do not know what to do.






I do not want to rely on accutane. They are very harsh and can cause internal and psychological issues for the rest of my life. Despite this I have faith and I am going to stand by it and God. 

Lastly, for the people who may think or say it is "just spots" or "this is how God made you" yes God made me in his perfect image of me but the end goal in life is happiness right and this one request of having clear skin for life is exactly what will add to my many reasons to be happy (even though I look sad in the pictures LOOOOOOL)

Anyway this is the start of something beautiful and I shall be keeping this blog updated with any changes or anything new I am using.


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